Monday, March 21, 2011
Staying on top
There's hardly any joy in this anymore. The day before I always feel like a fighter exhausted sitting in the locker room head down and shoulders slumped waiting for the next round. Trying to place week after week gets tiring. I used to be rank 250 something in San Diego. Now I'm 109. And still going up. Getting there. But those damn firewalkers. So damn annoying. I can usually beat them when the deck behind them is not control. Boros and Quest I can beat, even when they have firewalker, it's just harder. Just wanna run something rogue so that they become dead cards. But I can't bring myself to do so. Playing rogue decks you get used to losing, doesn't mean you like it, but you're ok with it. Once you win, it's addictive. You want to win again next week. And if you keep winning then it becomes an expectation. You can't go back to being a loser. If you're looked at as an easy win, then it'll be hard to get out of that. But its fuckin hilarious when they sit there mad as shit that they lost to you. Victory is suppose to feel liberating but I just feel trapped. There's just no confidence there anymore. There never was. The higher and higher you go the less mistakes you're allowed to make. You can't fuck around anymore. Especially when you're paired with somebody new. Cause that'll really hurt your rating, which you now care for. The higher you go, the more the drop hurts on the way down. And then you build a rogue deck and have someone else play it. The deck seems playable, but when applied the topdecks just don't flow, so you spend all the effort trying to make it better. And then you ask yourself, are you living through this person playing the rogue deck? Since you're unable to experiment anymore. Is the grass on the other side sweeter because she's able to play decks carefree and not give a fuck in the end? I miss those days.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Game Day
Yup. It's that time again. Time for me to lie to you about how it was me against the store and all my trusty little goblins raged through dozens of enemies like wurmcoil, Gideon, walls, titans, vampires, elves, and the elusive baneslayer. How we bathed in their blood and came out on top winning first place and taking home the gold. Aahhhhh yeaaaah. But sadly no. I'm here to report my games on Game Day at Crazy Freds.
For the first round I got paired up with David, a thick asian guy who always jokes that losing to me is the worst this ever. Which is what happened the first game, opening rebirth followed by guide then wardriver with a bushwhacker kicked really does end the game quickly. I didn't give him the chance to pop his quest. Game 2 I kept a weird hand cause I thought it would pay off. Which it did, I managed to crush his argentum, but I was hardly playing any creatures, and his firewalker and cat that exiled my pest kept swinging in. Death was imminent. I managed to mass for 4, and it killed the firewalker where I was able to play wardriver and bushwhacker and swing in for 10 putting him at 7, but I was at 3 and I died. Game 3 was cute and fun. Pest and thopter swung in for 1, then there was a guide, then wardriver, which got murdered. Then there was another wardriver and a bushwhacker and I had him so close to death that he just sat there wondering if there was a way to block so that he could still win. It was my turn again and I had enough power to kill him, but to add insult to injury I topdecked a bushwhacker and did more damage than was necessary. 2-1
Round 2 and it's up against Patrick, I think, and his rogue vampire deck. His turn 2 blood seeker really did some damage to me. But I wasn't gonna be the one to remind him, since it was a may effect. In total the seeker did 7 damage to me, including the 3 tokens. But I was able to get in there for more than the number I was playing, dealing 8-10 damage a time. Barely even saw his deck. Game 2 I managed to play memnite and rebirthed thopter, before he got blood seeker out. After an opening like that this was already game over since I knew he had no board wipes. After swinging 4 I dropped wardriver and swung for 10 next turn, but a token got blocked and he took 8. Then he swung all in on me getting me to 12, and left a guy to block. I wasn't having that, arc trail the guy and swing in for 12. There will be no prisoners here. 2-0.
Round 3 and undefeated. Such a great feeling. And then I hear it, "Perez vs Kellogg." On fuckin Game Day too. Alright, I know the rules here, get him by turn 4 or not at all. So I did my best, guide, wardriver, rebirth, bushwhacker, and then I got him to 1. To 1! Then he day'd. I was already in topdeck mode, trying to draw an answer, even just a little burn, but I was doomed. Next came Gideon, and elspeth soon followed. I had him to 1 and he made a comeback. Game 2. I barely put a dent in him. With the condemns and firewalkers I couldn't do shit. I wasn't controlled from turn 4, I was controlled since turn 1. He already had the upper hand, and then he dropped the wurmcoil. Well fuck that shit, I'm gonna commence scoop phase right now. 0-2 and I was certain this was gonna fall out of placing. At least none of my earlier opponents pussied out and dropped.
4th and final round. Can't fuck around here. I'm gonna get in there and fuck shit up hardcore status. So I think his name his Brian and guess what kind of deck he's running, the fuckin infect and defile box that you can just buy over the counter and play. And then he bought a few other cards and added those. Which just goes to show that those boxes have ruined the fuckin game for people who spent months of hard-work, sweat, blood and tears into making this deck the way it is, and then just to have it bought over the counters. This guy went 2-1 so far with this deck. Then he faced a real version and it put him to 2-2. I do not approve of this shit. I don't even feel like reporting this game. Both games were over in 4 turns, even with his smothers. Surprised him both games with my explosive opening play and all the creatures I had. Ok I'm done now. 2-0. Can I have my black sun now?
So I ended the day with a 3-1, a total of 6 wins and 3 losses. 66.66% win percentage. Not bad. Not bad. In the end I got 3rd place. Comic odd crew really raped shit today. Tommy got 1st, Lahrell with the 2nd and David right behind me with the 4th. Should've realized earlier that there was a problem with the prize money though, since there was none. Nobody was allowed to use their store credit so Fred pocketed $100 that day.
For the first round I got paired up with David, a thick asian guy who always jokes that losing to me is the worst this ever. Which is what happened the first game, opening rebirth followed by guide then wardriver with a bushwhacker kicked really does end the game quickly. I didn't give him the chance to pop his quest. Game 2 I kept a weird hand cause I thought it would pay off. Which it did, I managed to crush his argentum, but I was hardly playing any creatures, and his firewalker and cat that exiled my pest kept swinging in. Death was imminent. I managed to mass for 4, and it killed the firewalker where I was able to play wardriver and bushwhacker and swing in for 10 putting him at 7, but I was at 3 and I died. Game 3 was cute and fun. Pest and thopter swung in for 1, then there was a guide, then wardriver, which got murdered. Then there was another wardriver and a bushwhacker and I had him so close to death that he just sat there wondering if there was a way to block so that he could still win. It was my turn again and I had enough power to kill him, but to add insult to injury I topdecked a bushwhacker and did more damage than was necessary. 2-1
Round 2 and it's up against Patrick, I think, and his rogue vampire deck. His turn 2 blood seeker really did some damage to me. But I wasn't gonna be the one to remind him, since it was a may effect. In total the seeker did 7 damage to me, including the 3 tokens. But I was able to get in there for more than the number I was playing, dealing 8-10 damage a time. Barely even saw his deck. Game 2 I managed to play memnite and rebirthed thopter, before he got blood seeker out. After an opening like that this was already game over since I knew he had no board wipes. After swinging 4 I dropped wardriver and swung for 10 next turn, but a token got blocked and he took 8. Then he swung all in on me getting me to 12, and left a guy to block. I wasn't having that, arc trail the guy and swing in for 12. There will be no prisoners here. 2-0.
Round 3 and undefeated. Such a great feeling. And then I hear it, "Perez vs Kellogg." On fuckin Game Day too. Alright, I know the rules here, get him by turn 4 or not at all. So I did my best, guide, wardriver, rebirth, bushwhacker, and then I got him to 1. To 1! Then he day'd. I was already in topdeck mode, trying to draw an answer, even just a little burn, but I was doomed. Next came Gideon, and elspeth soon followed. I had him to 1 and he made a comeback. Game 2. I barely put a dent in him. With the condemns and firewalkers I couldn't do shit. I wasn't controlled from turn 4, I was controlled since turn 1. He already had the upper hand, and then he dropped the wurmcoil. Well fuck that shit, I'm gonna commence scoop phase right now. 0-2 and I was certain this was gonna fall out of placing. At least none of my earlier opponents pussied out and dropped.
4th and final round. Can't fuck around here. I'm gonna get in there and fuck shit up hardcore status. So I think his name his Brian and guess what kind of deck he's running, the fuckin infect and defile box that you can just buy over the counter and play. And then he bought a few other cards and added those. Which just goes to show that those boxes have ruined the fuckin game for people who spent months of hard-work, sweat, blood and tears into making this deck the way it is, and then just to have it bought over the counters. This guy went 2-1 so far with this deck. Then he faced a real version and it put him to 2-2. I do not approve of this shit. I don't even feel like reporting this game. Both games were over in 4 turns, even with his smothers. Surprised him both games with my explosive opening play and all the creatures I had. Ok I'm done now. 2-0. Can I have my black sun now?
So I ended the day with a 3-1, a total of 6 wins and 3 losses. 66.66% win percentage. Not bad. Not bad. In the end I got 3rd place. Comic odd crew really raped shit today. Tommy got 1st, Lahrell with the 2nd and David right behind me with the 4th. Should've realized earlier that there was a problem with the prize money though, since there was none. Nobody was allowed to use their store credit so Fred pocketed $100 that day.
Rant about event boxes
Alright so what the Fuck is this bullshit? Who said Wizards could do this? I don't approve of this fuckin shit. This is about as retarded as a 15/15 uncounterable extra turn shuffle your librarygraveyard annihilate 6 flying anti spell targeting bullshit all rolled up in a creature and given away at an event for free. I am talking about those damn wretched boxes that you can buy over the counter and enter the tournament at the same time. "Into the breach" and "Infect and defile" are the damn fuckin boxes I'm talking about. And that actually happened on Game Day! This white guy hasn't played magic since big Jace was $40 and he comes back during this event, has no deck, buys the ub box and enters. He was 2-1 when he met me and he thought he could be 3-1 but then I curbstomped him to 2-2 giving him an 0-2 for our round. The guy was actually cool, it's just what he did that really pissed me off. I know these boxes aren't meant to be great but they're playable. Now any noob walking in with their parents wallet can buy this shit. This is a fuckin disgrace to those of us who actually spent time making these decks what they are. Every box shipped is Wizards spitting in our face. Every box bought is a hinderance of the authentic. I don't see any boxes out there for fuckin UW control. A nice little package with firewalkers, days, baby jace, dual lands, and various counters. No! Because there isn't! I don't see a fuckin Valakut box! Shit that has fuckin god damn Valakut, fuckin battlements, khalni hearts, green zenith, god damn motherfuckin pryos. You get what the fuck I'm saying. Why not have a fuckin noob try to play one of those motherfuckin god damn shit bitch untwhotefuckgoddammit decks. I remember when I built this f kin deck before it was even kuldotha. When I made that mother kin god damn raid bombardment deck. With all those sonbitch commons and uncommons. The only rare was thefuckin goblin guide. It required playing a shit load of goblins and then dropping chandras spitfire and having all the goblins attack activating raid bombardment dealing multiple 1 damage and +3/0 on spitfire a shit ton of times. Then the deck dropped spitfire cause it was always getting killed in some way or another and cheiftain replaced her, making it a full goblin deck. I'm sorry spitfire, we had our fun but I can't stand to see you die anymore. Then the fuckin rotation happened and the only card I lost was dragon fodder, and the expected me to replace it with rebirth. At first I didn't want to add artifacts just so I can use a card though. But I did anyways, and it was ok. It didn't do great, back then all I had to rely on was chieftain and bushwhacker for the pump. Turn out 8 wasn't enough. It needed 16, wardriver and pest. Now that the deck has 16 creatures pumping each other the deck can constantly drop threat after threat. Since M11, since motherfuckin M11 when the raid bombardment deck was built I've been tweaking this deck into what it is today. Nobody else had that raid deck. I'd always get called judge on just so they check the legality of it. Nobody liked having a 13/3 flying over and punching them in the fuckin face stupid dipshit ass motherfuckers after already taking 4 noncombatant damage and having other little guys to block. None of these other noobs wont understand this shit. They won't have a story like this. It'll just be "I bought this deck over the counter and fixed it so it's just like that list I saw online. I'm a stupid cunt bitch who decided to take the easy way out and steal a deck that's already winning and dick ride on it's success." and I'm not mad about the other premium decks. Those decks can only be used in legacy or edh, and the from the vault decks too. This is a deck specifically built for standard copying decks from standard. The most played format across the nation. Kuldotha red was already cheap as it is! Fuck your mox opal! I don't need that fuckinshitcuntbitchwhoreslutfriskycatdog!!!!! Just a waste of a fuckin drop if have your artifacts dead and no more metalcraft. I killed that sonbitch! Raped that motherfucker and took the 2-0! I didn't ask for it I just took it! And imma rape that shit again! I will! Yes I fuckin god damn will god mother fuck dammit will! Rape that shit motherfuckin sideways. Fuuucckk!!! :RAGE MODE: *FLIPS DESK*
Monday, March 7, 2011
Naya superfriends
Alrigt so as I promised you here's Stephanies naya colored superfriends deck. But as she calls it K+Gbffs-w/Kitty. Here's the list and what is does.
3x koth of the hammer
3x garruk wildspeaker
3x ajani goldmane
4x perimeter captain
3x wall of tanglecord
2x overgrown battlement
4x explore
4x journey to nowhere
2x contagion clasp
1x contagion engine
2x elixir of immortality
2x day of judgment
3x red sun zenith
2x forest
5x mountain
5x plains
4x sunpetal grove
2x rootbound crag
2x raging ravine
4x arid mesa
Sb:
1x steel hellkite
2x day of judgment
4x pyroclasm
3x celestial purge
3x naturalize
2x creeping corrosion
So the deck pretty much stalls until you run out of gas. Ideally perimeter captain gets there first to stop any hasty attackers in the beginning. Multiple captains + chump blocking is really annoying and I apologize, but suck it up. After good number of blocks and lifegain and more walls hit the field, it's time to play planeswalkers. Or if you have too many creatures for the deck to handle, day then walkers. Journey to great rid of fuckers like highborn and wurmcoil. Clasp for clasping needs, just like engine, and proliferating needs on the walkers, ajanis +1+1 counters, and ravine. Explore is card draw and land drop, elixer is lifegain and shuffling threats back into the deck. Finally the red zenith is there for when journey isn't, and for that last strong hit to the face. Koth and garruk gives the creatures and untap lands, ajani pumps all the creatures and vigilance is nice too. Plus the lifegain just to fuck over most decks. This deck isn't in a hurry. It takes time to kick your ass. Don't rush it. It's ok.
Yes I know the steel hellkite doesn't belong but he just sits there and looks pretty. Don't hate. The pyroclasms and for when they're trying to rush the deck and you can't wait for the judgment. The extra judgments are for when the pyros just won't cut it. Purge of course is for those big black and red threats. Naturalize is for artifact and enchantment hate, but I have spreading seas mostly in mind. And the corrosion is because I'm not too happy with the tempered steel decks that be thinking they the shit lately.
I would also like to say that I'm not looking for help or tips with the deck. I don't want to hear about koth taking up space or how all this deck does is not let you win. This is a deck I built for Stephanie and I don't give a fuck what you have to say. Good night.
3x koth of the hammer
3x garruk wildspeaker
3x ajani goldmane
4x perimeter captain
3x wall of tanglecord
2x overgrown battlement
4x explore
4x journey to nowhere
2x contagion clasp
1x contagion engine
2x elixir of immortality
2x day of judgment
3x red sun zenith
2x forest
5x mountain
5x plains
4x sunpetal grove
2x rootbound crag
2x raging ravine
4x arid mesa
Sb:
1x steel hellkite
2x day of judgment
4x pyroclasm
3x celestial purge
3x naturalize
2x creeping corrosion
So the deck pretty much stalls until you run out of gas. Ideally perimeter captain gets there first to stop any hasty attackers in the beginning. Multiple captains + chump blocking is really annoying and I apologize, but suck it up. After good number of blocks and lifegain and more walls hit the field, it's time to play planeswalkers. Or if you have too many creatures for the deck to handle, day then walkers. Journey to great rid of fuckers like highborn and wurmcoil. Clasp for clasping needs, just like engine, and proliferating needs on the walkers, ajanis +1+1 counters, and ravine. Explore is card draw and land drop, elixer is lifegain and shuffling threats back into the deck. Finally the red zenith is there for when journey isn't, and for that last strong hit to the face. Koth and garruk gives the creatures and untap lands, ajani pumps all the creatures and vigilance is nice too. Plus the lifegain just to fuck over most decks. This deck isn't in a hurry. It takes time to kick your ass. Don't rush it. It's ok.
Yes I know the steel hellkite doesn't belong but he just sits there and looks pretty. Don't hate. The pyroclasms and for when they're trying to rush the deck and you can't wait for the judgment. The extra judgments are for when the pyros just won't cut it. Purge of course is for those big black and red threats. Naturalize is for artifact and enchantment hate, but I have spreading seas mostly in mind. And the corrosion is because I'm not too happy with the tempered steel decks that be thinking they the shit lately.
I would also like to say that I'm not looking for help or tips with the deck. I don't want to hear about koth taking up space or how all this deck does is not let you win. This is a deck I built for Stephanie and I don't give a fuck what you have to say. Good night.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Fuckin shit up at freds
Another week at Fred's ready to place. Lets do this.
So for the first round I'm playing against Ngyuen and I see green and I am pleased, Greatly. Green is the easiest shit to fuck up. Turn 1 forked bolt him and his elf. Turn 2 forked bolted elves and swung for 2. Turn 3 DevastatingBushwhacker combo featuring menite, guide and 15 damage, and a forked bolt to get his little elf out the way and hit him for 1. It was literally that short. The game went so fast I had no idea what was in his deck. So I covered the basic elf deck sideboard needs. Arc trails for his Ezuri and Champion, and Crush for that damn Monument. Game 2 lasted a little longer. Turn 1 3 goblins, turn 2 warzone. Got him to 14. His stupid little Mul Daya Chanelers got in my way. His champion saw green too and thats when Chaneler hit me for 3, the only 3 damage he'll do to me. His champion needed to die. NOW. Arc trailed that bitch. That one damage to his face was a great idea too cause it put him to 10. Cause next turn I bushwhacker kicked and with the help of signal pest, all my 3 little goblins were hitting for 3 each, bushwhacker hitting for 3, and pest hitting for 1, which he couldn't block pest. He was able to block one creature, but that was still 10 damage, just what I needed. Thank god I have this app, otherwise I wouldn't know what he'd be at and I'd think he was at 11 like he thought he was. After round 3 he dropped and brought my score down. Thanks a lot. 2-0
This next round was a lot of fun. Playing against a Boros deck played by a guy I'm not irritated with, Brad. I could go into how cool the first game was, swinging in and trading creatures with him. Taking 2 from each others guides and then killing them later. How I was at 18, he was at 16, and I tricked him to lower his gaurd and swing all in getting me to 6 with his Geopede and Lynx and Koths 4/4 mountain and Landfall. And then when he was wide open, dropping wardriver and bushkicked and getting him to -1, making sure to NOT attack his Koth. Lets skip through game 2 where we traded guide damage and killed them again. And skip how he got me from 16 to 11, and I got him from 16 to 6. And go to the point where he dropped Firewalker. The mere name gives me chills. To the standoff. Just checking out each others fields trying to plan out everything and guess every move. He dropped a fetched land and his Pede with Gear getting +4/+4 attacking for 5 and getting me to 6 with him. To the standoff where it was my turn to strike, saying fuck his lifegain and using arc trail to get hawk and lynx out my way, with only his Firewalker to block. He could have fetched and saved his lynx, but he didn't. I thought he would have, but I'm glad he didn't. Attacking all in, his Firewalker blocked a goblin, scared to block my 3/3 mass, and he takes 6. 6! SIX! That single point of life saved his ass. But I had to, I couldnt let blockers get in my way. But he still had that fetch. Come on. Don't focus on your life and just fetch your land and die attempting to kill me. Come on fetch! Shit you realized your life. Fuck me sideways. Another standoff. He doesnt attack. I draw a cheiftain and think real hard. After a long thought I decide to stop thinking like a blue player, pull my balls out, and attack all in. He's back at 2. And he has to block everything or die. Unfortionately he blocked everything, and is only left with the firewalker. Dammit firewalker! Why did you have to live. He's still at 2, and still refuses to attack, but now he has a mountain. I'm certain of it, he has a bolt. I can't let that scare me, either attack or be called a coward. KULDOTHA! And he bolts my Mass then blocks my bushwhacker... It's over. Firewalker gets gear, pumped, and hits me for 6. Game 3 we went to rounds, but it didn't matter. But that time he was already dead. 2-1 me. Damn Boros. That shit is close.
Round 3, Jason with with terrifying Valakut deck and his ability to topdeck well. I'm not worried. Valakut is another set-up deck. As long as I get in there before the set-up is finished than I'm good. So he drops his land and pass, I get my rebirth and pass, battlement pass, swing 3 get 1 blocked take 2 pass, more set-up taps battlement pass, drop guide swing 5 takes 5 drop pest pass, cultivate pass, bushkicked swing all 17 for game. Yeah that was pretty fast, he wasn't getting anything he wanted and I got in there before anything bad could happen. Game 2 however is sidedcards fucked me up. He drops forest and passes. I drop memnite, thopter and rebirth it. Turn 2 he pyro'd, shoulda seen it coming. Drop guide swing 2 and pass. Explore, drops land, plays battlement and passes. Swing and a miss, pass. He drops another battlement, drops his second Valakut, harrows and passes. I still cant get in there, I'm topdecking bullshit. His turn he plays Primeval and searches for his last two valakuts. Now I really can't attack. He's about to attack with primeval and I double bolt it, then he green zeniths for another eval, hitting me for 24 with the valakuts. Game 3, little nervous but I can't let that get to me. This game goes a little faster, guide swings and hits, next turn double guide swing, one is blocked by battlement. Turn 3 chieftain wants to play, all 3 swing, guide blocks and takes 5. Then eval makes a presence and he fetches valakuts. Then I drop pest and bushkicked and attack for more than is necessary to count. GG. 2-1 me.
Yeah alright so I'm feeling good. I'm going 3-0 and about to get some money in my name. Until I find out Tommy is 3-0 as well and we might be playing each other. This is all sorts of fucked up, last week I had to play Trent and this week I'm playing Tommy.
So yeah I'm playing Tommy, a skinny lightskinned mixed asian thing that looks mexican but acts black. We really didn't want to play each others decks so we called a tie so nobody would walk home humiliated. :coughcough: But we did play just so we weren't sitting there bored. So with our decks already sided, we started and I did my rebirth thing. Then just kept going on the attack, hitting 4 damage each turn, then 8 damage on the last hit finishing him off before he could play the day in his hand. Game 2 was so fortunate though. Turn 2 he managed to drop a firewalker and that was all he needed to stop me. Stupid firewalker wouldn't let me get through and all I could do was sit there and let the firewalker rape shit. He won that one. You think that's annoying? In game 3 I think all his firewalkers hit the field. Most annoying shit ever. Just sitting there and taking an assbeating from firewalkers, gideons, manlands, and swords.
Needless to say that sucked. Now me and Tommy are 3-0-1 but thanks to big-green deck dropping it brought down my score. Making Tommy get 2nd and me with the 3rd. Some fucker got first and got in our way and brought us down. Until next week, when I'm gonna rape shit. Yeah son.
So for the first round I'm playing against Ngyuen and I see green and I am pleased, Greatly. Green is the easiest shit to fuck up. Turn 1 forked bolt him and his elf. Turn 2 forked bolted elves and swung for 2. Turn 3 DevastatingBushwhacker combo featuring menite, guide and 15 damage, and a forked bolt to get his little elf out the way and hit him for 1. It was literally that short. The game went so fast I had no idea what was in his deck. So I covered the basic elf deck sideboard needs. Arc trails for his Ezuri and Champion, and Crush for that damn Monument. Game 2 lasted a little longer. Turn 1 3 goblins, turn 2 warzone. Got him to 14. His stupid little Mul Daya Chanelers got in my way. His champion saw green too and thats when Chaneler hit me for 3, the only 3 damage he'll do to me. His champion needed to die. NOW. Arc trailed that bitch. That one damage to his face was a great idea too cause it put him to 10. Cause next turn I bushwhacker kicked and with the help of signal pest, all my 3 little goblins were hitting for 3 each, bushwhacker hitting for 3, and pest hitting for 1, which he couldn't block pest. He was able to block one creature, but that was still 10 damage, just what I needed. Thank god I have this app, otherwise I wouldn't know what he'd be at and I'd think he was at 11 like he thought he was. After round 3 he dropped and brought my score down. Thanks a lot. 2-0
This next round was a lot of fun. Playing against a Boros deck played by a guy I'm not irritated with, Brad. I could go into how cool the first game was, swinging in and trading creatures with him. Taking 2 from each others guides and then killing them later. How I was at 18, he was at 16, and I tricked him to lower his gaurd and swing all in getting me to 6 with his Geopede and Lynx and Koths 4/4 mountain and Landfall. And then when he was wide open, dropping wardriver and bushkicked and getting him to -1, making sure to NOT attack his Koth. Lets skip through game 2 where we traded guide damage and killed them again. And skip how he got me from 16 to 11, and I got him from 16 to 6. And go to the point where he dropped Firewalker. The mere name gives me chills. To the standoff. Just checking out each others fields trying to plan out everything and guess every move. He dropped a fetched land and his Pede with Gear getting +4/+4 attacking for 5 and getting me to 6 with him. To the standoff where it was my turn to strike, saying fuck his lifegain and using arc trail to get hawk and lynx out my way, with only his Firewalker to block. He could have fetched and saved his lynx, but he didn't. I thought he would have, but I'm glad he didn't. Attacking all in, his Firewalker blocked a goblin, scared to block my 3/3 mass, and he takes 6. 6! SIX! That single point of life saved his ass. But I had to, I couldnt let blockers get in my way. But he still had that fetch. Come on. Don't focus on your life and just fetch your land and die attempting to kill me. Come on fetch! Shit you realized your life. Fuck me sideways. Another standoff. He doesnt attack. I draw a cheiftain and think real hard. After a long thought I decide to stop thinking like a blue player, pull my balls out, and attack all in. He's back at 2. And he has to block everything or die. Unfortionately he blocked everything, and is only left with the firewalker. Dammit firewalker! Why did you have to live. He's still at 2, and still refuses to attack, but now he has a mountain. I'm certain of it, he has a bolt. I can't let that scare me, either attack or be called a coward. KULDOTHA! And he bolts my Mass then blocks my bushwhacker... It's over. Firewalker gets gear, pumped, and hits me for 6. Game 3 we went to rounds, but it didn't matter. But that time he was already dead. 2-1 me. Damn Boros. That shit is close.
Round 3, Jason with with terrifying Valakut deck and his ability to topdeck well. I'm not worried. Valakut is another set-up deck. As long as I get in there before the set-up is finished than I'm good. So he drops his land and pass, I get my rebirth and pass, battlement pass, swing 3 get 1 blocked take 2 pass, more set-up taps battlement pass, drop guide swing 5 takes 5 drop pest pass, cultivate pass, bushkicked swing all 17 for game. Yeah that was pretty fast, he wasn't getting anything he wanted and I got in there before anything bad could happen. Game 2 however is sidedcards fucked me up. He drops forest and passes. I drop memnite, thopter and rebirth it. Turn 2 he pyro'd, shoulda seen it coming. Drop guide swing 2 and pass. Explore, drops land, plays battlement and passes. Swing and a miss, pass. He drops another battlement, drops his second Valakut, harrows and passes. I still cant get in there, I'm topdecking bullshit. His turn he plays Primeval and searches for his last two valakuts. Now I really can't attack. He's about to attack with primeval and I double bolt it, then he green zeniths for another eval, hitting me for 24 with the valakuts. Game 3, little nervous but I can't let that get to me. This game goes a little faster, guide swings and hits, next turn double guide swing, one is blocked by battlement. Turn 3 chieftain wants to play, all 3 swing, guide blocks and takes 5. Then eval makes a presence and he fetches valakuts. Then I drop pest and bushkicked and attack for more than is necessary to count. GG. 2-1 me.
Yeah alright so I'm feeling good. I'm going 3-0 and about to get some money in my name. Until I find out Tommy is 3-0 as well and we might be playing each other. This is all sorts of fucked up, last week I had to play Trent and this week I'm playing Tommy.
So yeah I'm playing Tommy, a skinny lightskinned mixed asian thing that looks mexican but acts black. We really didn't want to play each others decks so we called a tie so nobody would walk home humiliated. :coughcough: But we did play just so we weren't sitting there bored. So with our decks already sided, we started and I did my rebirth thing. Then just kept going on the attack, hitting 4 damage each turn, then 8 damage on the last hit finishing him off before he could play the day in his hand. Game 2 was so fortunate though. Turn 2 he managed to drop a firewalker and that was all he needed to stop me. Stupid firewalker wouldn't let me get through and all I could do was sit there and let the firewalker rape shit. He won that one. You think that's annoying? In game 3 I think all his firewalkers hit the field. Most annoying shit ever. Just sitting there and taking an assbeating from firewalkers, gideons, manlands, and swords.
Needless to say that sucked. Now me and Tommy are 3-0-1 but thanks to big-green deck dropping it brought down my score. Making Tommy get 2nd and me with the 3rd. Some fucker got first and got in our way and brought us down. Until next week, when I'm gonna rape shit. Yeah son.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Time to fuck shit up.
Alright. Another week, another ass beating. I love this no censorship bullshit. Fuck yeaaahh. Anyways, I'm running my deck as usual. And Stephanie is running a new deck I built for her. Which will be in the next post.
So for my first round, guess who I play against. Stephanie, a FattyFatFatMcFattingtonFatFuckFatsoFatFat, I'm playing against a deck I built to stop decks like mine. And in the first game it did just that. I dropped my Guide and swung in, passed. And then I see it, Perimeter Captain, Im fucked. Drop another Guide, swing both, she blocks, gains 2, loses 2, fork bolted Captian, passed. Another Captain. She wasnt fuckin around. I forgot what happened after that cause it was BS after BS. Pyros and Lifegain then the Planewalkers came out the play and I was just stuck. There was nothing I could do to stop it once it started. Game 2 was better for me. No Pyros, no Captains. She just didnt get to draw any answers, and I was able to get in there and kill her before anything could stop me. Game 3, it was the first game all over again. I couldn't get in there in time to put her down. Loss 1-2 Me.
My second round was up against Trent, and I gotta say, once again I was pissed. I remember this deck. This deck specializes in killing me. So in the first game it went as usual, I lost the roll, got the draw, did my set up when it was my turn, then got pyro'd when I passed. Now Im sitting here with a summons in hand and a few lands. Great, already topdecking. Fortunately he was still setting up his combo so I had time to get in there. By turn 4 I had a memnite and drew into a bushwhacker, so I was ready to combo. Summons to 2x 4/4s, a memnite and a bushkicked, and I swung in all. His perilous myr blocked my bushwhacker, he took 12, and the myr killed my memnite. Next turn he stole my elemental, gave it a +1/+1 counter, swung at me and sac'd it to his artifact draw thing. My turn, swung for 4 and passed. My turn again I swung for game. Game 2 was the same opening. He drops land, I start with 3-4 creatures on the field, then he pyros. Never fails. My turn to drop Wardriver and pass. Hes setting up his field. Drop cheiftain, swing 6 and pass. His turn, slagstorm, ouch, really now. I drop another wardriver, he hasn't killed it yet. My turn again, drop cheiftain and swing 6 again, he boardwipes again. Topdecked a guide and swing for 2, got him to 6, and showed him the double bolt. Sorry Trent, I don't believe friends should be playing each other when's there's money involved.
3rd round and it's against Leo, that short asian foo that's short. Not nervous at all. While he's shuffling I see baby Jace and ask him, "no kuldotha?" he says, "nah I wanna play a deck thats good." I took offense to that. Just because the average mexican can afford kuldotha does not make it a bad deck. Go fuck yourself and your couch. Anyways, I open my turn with 3 cute little goblins ready to fuck his shit up sideways. Pass to him and he inquistitions me, taking my cheiftain away. I'm alright with that, I have a wardriver in hand with a 2nd land, that was my 2nd turn anyways, swung 3 and passed. I forgot what his puny 2nd turn was but I don't give a damn. Turn 3 wardriver and co fucked shit up for 8, and passed. Fuck his turn 3, my turn 4 was a topdecked bushwhacker and they fucked shit up son. Game 2, I see ratchet bombs sided in, shits getting real son. This game was a little slower than last. Guide had to do most of the work. Hitting him for 2, then 2 again, until finally he gets another guide to help him, and swing for 4. Then good ol' Cheiftain hit the field. How did I get to this point without trouble yet? It's like turn 4, all hes done is played inquisition, wheres his wipes? His counters? Is his deck scared? Take that you fuckin sorry expensive deck. Even a beaner can fuck yo shit up sideways. (in reality I understand he's probably just getting bad draws, but this nigga is offended and this nigga will fuck shit up. He has dissed kuldotha and red itself. I will not stand for this shit!) So after cheiftain and guide hit for 8, its my turn again and I drop a wardriver and shit gets all sorts of fucked up hella hardcore son. Yeah. Go Goblins. Hooray for fucking shit up.
Alright, so my last round. Surprised to find out I was paired down. I don't even want to report this. It's really sad. I thought I was gonna win this. I'm up against Justin, a mexican looking thing with a hoodie and glasses. He looks like a kid too, what went wrong? It's a tempered steel deck. Turn 4 he should be dead. Anyways, for the first game I was fuckin amazing. 3 goblins turn 1, turn 2 warzone and swing 6. Turn 3 bushwhacker and swing 8. Then he gets his steel out and he finally has decent blockers. Swing all and I get him to 3, we trade a few, next turn swing again, got him to 1, we trade some more, next turn after that I finally killed him. Game 2, I dont know what he sided in, but it worked for him. I barely got in there. Hitting him little by little. Until I finally got him to 3. All I needed was that bolt. Where was that bolt. Oh god why can't I summon bolt from the deck.Tides have turned, I was out of goblins, his ornithopthers and shit were swinging in, from 20 to 16 to 12 to 6 to dead. Why have you forsaken me bolt. Whyyyyy!? Game 3 it was on. I managed to get a couple of big hits in and got him to 7. But double steel really ruins plans. With Tommy and Trent standing there, judging, watching, encouraging, I can feel the heat on me. All my goblins are dead. There is no hope. I'm sorry guys. I've let you down. Goblins can't fuck up steel that's been tempered. Noooooo.... 20 to 16 to 11 to dead.
So for my first round, guess who I play against. Stephanie, a FattyFatFatMcFattingtonFatFuckFatsoFatFat, I'm playing against a deck I built to stop decks like mine. And in the first game it did just that. I dropped my Guide and swung in, passed. And then I see it, Perimeter Captain, Im fucked. Drop another Guide, swing both, she blocks, gains 2, loses 2, fork bolted Captian, passed. Another Captain. She wasnt fuckin around. I forgot what happened after that cause it was BS after BS. Pyros and Lifegain then the Planewalkers came out the play and I was just stuck. There was nothing I could do to stop it once it started. Game 2 was better for me. No Pyros, no Captains. She just didnt get to draw any answers, and I was able to get in there and kill her before anything could stop me. Game 3, it was the first game all over again. I couldn't get in there in time to put her down. Loss 1-2 Me.
My second round was up against Trent, and I gotta say, once again I was pissed. I remember this deck. This deck specializes in killing me. So in the first game it went as usual, I lost the roll, got the draw, did my set up when it was my turn, then got pyro'd when I passed. Now Im sitting here with a summons in hand and a few lands. Great, already topdecking. Fortunately he was still setting up his combo so I had time to get in there. By turn 4 I had a memnite and drew into a bushwhacker, so I was ready to combo. Summons to 2x 4/4s, a memnite and a bushkicked, and I swung in all. His perilous myr blocked my bushwhacker, he took 12, and the myr killed my memnite. Next turn he stole my elemental, gave it a +1/+1 counter, swung at me and sac'd it to his artifact draw thing. My turn, swung for 4 and passed. My turn again I swung for game. Game 2 was the same opening. He drops land, I start with 3-4 creatures on the field, then he pyros. Never fails. My turn to drop Wardriver and pass. Hes setting up his field. Drop cheiftain, swing 6 and pass. His turn, slagstorm, ouch, really now. I drop another wardriver, he hasn't killed it yet. My turn again, drop cheiftain and swing 6 again, he boardwipes again. Topdecked a guide and swing for 2, got him to 6, and showed him the double bolt. Sorry Trent, I don't believe friends should be playing each other when's there's money involved.
3rd round and it's against Leo, that short asian foo that's short. Not nervous at all. While he's shuffling I see baby Jace and ask him, "no kuldotha?" he says, "nah I wanna play a deck thats good." I took offense to that. Just because the average mexican can afford kuldotha does not make it a bad deck. Go fuck yourself and your couch. Anyways, I open my turn with 3 cute little goblins ready to fuck his shit up sideways. Pass to him and he inquistitions me, taking my cheiftain away. I'm alright with that, I have a wardriver in hand with a 2nd land, that was my 2nd turn anyways, swung 3 and passed. I forgot what his puny 2nd turn was but I don't give a damn. Turn 3 wardriver and co fucked shit up for 8, and passed. Fuck his turn 3, my turn 4 was a topdecked bushwhacker and they fucked shit up son. Game 2, I see ratchet bombs sided in, shits getting real son. This game was a little slower than last. Guide had to do most of the work. Hitting him for 2, then 2 again, until finally he gets another guide to help him, and swing for 4. Then good ol' Cheiftain hit the field. How did I get to this point without trouble yet? It's like turn 4, all hes done is played inquisition, wheres his wipes? His counters? Is his deck scared? Take that you fuckin sorry expensive deck. Even a beaner can fuck yo shit up sideways. (in reality I understand he's probably just getting bad draws, but this nigga is offended and this nigga will fuck shit up. He has dissed kuldotha and red itself. I will not stand for this shit!) So after cheiftain and guide hit for 8, its my turn again and I drop a wardriver and shit gets all sorts of fucked up hella hardcore son. Yeah. Go Goblins. Hooray for fucking shit up.
Alright, so my last round. Surprised to find out I was paired down. I don't even want to report this. It's really sad. I thought I was gonna win this. I'm up against Justin, a mexican looking thing with a hoodie and glasses. He looks like a kid too, what went wrong? It's a tempered steel deck. Turn 4 he should be dead. Anyways, for the first game I was fuckin amazing. 3 goblins turn 1, turn 2 warzone and swing 6. Turn 3 bushwhacker and swing 8. Then he gets his steel out and he finally has decent blockers. Swing all and I get him to 3, we trade a few, next turn swing again, got him to 1, we trade some more, next turn after that I finally killed him. Game 2, I dont know what he sided in, but it worked for him. I barely got in there. Hitting him little by little. Until I finally got him to 3. All I needed was that bolt. Where was that bolt. Oh god why can't I summon bolt from the deck.Tides have turned, I was out of goblins, his ornithopthers and shit were swinging in, from 20 to 16 to 12 to 6 to dead. Why have you forsaken me bolt. Whyyyyy!? Game 3 it was on. I managed to get a couple of big hits in and got him to 7. But double steel really ruins plans. With Tommy and Trent standing there, judging, watching, encouraging, I can feel the heat on me. All my goblins are dead. There is no hope. I'm sorry guys. I've let you down. Goblins can't fuck up steel that's been tempered. Noooooo.... 20 to 16 to 11 to dead.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday Magic 2-19-11
Now its time to report on my rounds on Saturday at Crazy Fred's. Some people don't like going there. They just can't handle his sarcastic humor. To each their own, I'm not here to rate stores (COUGH! Game Empire is at the bottom)
I apologize if I can't remember much but rounds go by faster at Freds and Im not able to record anything.
So my first game is against Jessie, a four-eyed asian looking guy who didn't like my Summoning Trap SB in Big Red. First game he had the board with landfall creatures and I would have a hard time keeping my creatures. He kept using his arc trails viciously. But when I did hit him, it was pretty hard. Managed to get him to 4, but he had so many landfall creatures and fetches, I couldn't stop it all. 2nd game after I sided all my creature hates, I didn't let his creatures stay on the board long. Bushwhacker and Battlecry got there. In game 3 he got a good head start, but then I played more creature hate and got all my creatures through. We went to turns, mine being 0, and we were both at 12. I managed to hit him for 6, then he hit me for 7, but I wasn't worried. Along with the creatures I had on the board, I had Cheiftain, Bushwhacker, and Summons in my hand, with the mana to 2 of them but not all 3, which wasnt needed. Boros is a fun match-up of speed. Game win Me, 2-1.
Round 2 was against Aj with his Elves. Not much to report on. Both games went by too fast to say anything, it was the same thing each time. First couple of turns I would kill his mana producers, and then just keep swinging in for lethal. Didnt give him any time to cast Ezuri or Monument. Elves are good, but while they're setting up, I'm already wrecking shit. Game win 2-0.
Round 3 and Im undefeated. Felt damn good. Then my matchup was against Leo again, and I felt confident. Fuck that fool. I beat his deck once and I was gonna do it again. And then reality hit, he learned from his mistakes and fixed his deck up. First game I was hardly able to play any creatures without him killing them. Yeah I was able to hit him a couple times, but it just wasnt enough. I am proud to say that in the second game I raped his shit up, got him down to -16 and he couldnt get me past 15. He wasn't having any trouble either so there's no excuse there. However I wasn't so lucky in game 3. I had to mull and even then it wasn't good enough. Got stuck with a mountan, warzone, and a couple of 1drops with cheiftain. I figured I was good and would draw another land. Which I didn't. Kept strugging, kept trading my warzone, in the end he was at 4, I was at 5, and then he swung for game. Douche. I don't think he likes me either. Before the game he listed gamewinning "gay shit" and told me not to do them and not to give him gay cuts. When I mulled and I asked him if he wants to cut me, he said,"Yeah with a knife." Fuck that nigga.
Round 4 was a sad round, just because it was against somebody Im cool with, Trent. A tall, white guy who is tall and tall. This nigga tall. A deck like his is built for a deck like mine. 6 board wipes. Its horrible. Just horrible. I couldnt have creatures on the feild for too long before Id have to rebuild my army again. All in all I did good though, managed to get him down to 5, but then he played Inferno Titan, killed off my creatures, and I was sitting at 14. I had one turn to live, and Ive could have survived it if I hadn't made the mistake of passing turn. With his Inferno, he could kill me in one hit. But if I had played Cheiftain, and Summons for 2x 4/4s, then the win coulda been mine. Since he'd kill my Cheiftain, and I wouldnt have blocked, Id be at 1 life. Then my 4/4s would have gotten me the win. Shoulda woulda coulda. But I didn't. After sideboard it was a lot harder to keep my creatures on the field. I got him down to 7 this time, and then he dropped another Inferno. I was only at 18 thanks to my fetchlands, I thought I could pull through, topdeck creature after creature and somehow haste my way to win. Seeing me struggle, Trent decided to make it easy for me. He showed me his hand, with more Infernos and Wurmcoils. All I could do was laugh as I scooped and said "Good game." Which I rarely do scoop. I like to play it out. But when you're staring at Wurmcoil... All you can do is "Fuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!"
That day I got 8th place out of 18-19 people. Yay, the better half of 50%. Somebody else asked what he gets for being in the top 50% a couple weeks ago, I still laugh about it to this day. "Hey Fred I got 6th what do I get?" "YOU GET DICK!"
I apologize if I can't remember much but rounds go by faster at Freds and Im not able to record anything.
So my first game is against Jessie, a four-eyed asian looking guy who didn't like my Summoning Trap SB in Big Red. First game he had the board with landfall creatures and I would have a hard time keeping my creatures. He kept using his arc trails viciously. But when I did hit him, it was pretty hard. Managed to get him to 4, but he had so many landfall creatures and fetches, I couldn't stop it all. 2nd game after I sided all my creature hates, I didn't let his creatures stay on the board long. Bushwhacker and Battlecry got there. In game 3 he got a good head start, but then I played more creature hate and got all my creatures through. We went to turns, mine being 0, and we were both at 12. I managed to hit him for 6, then he hit me for 7, but I wasn't worried. Along with the creatures I had on the board, I had Cheiftain, Bushwhacker, and Summons in my hand, with the mana to 2 of them but not all 3, which wasnt needed. Boros is a fun match-up of speed. Game win Me, 2-1.
Round 2 was against Aj with his Elves. Not much to report on. Both games went by too fast to say anything, it was the same thing each time. First couple of turns I would kill his mana producers, and then just keep swinging in for lethal. Didnt give him any time to cast Ezuri or Monument. Elves are good, but while they're setting up, I'm already wrecking shit. Game win 2-0.
Round 3 and Im undefeated. Felt damn good. Then my matchup was against Leo again, and I felt confident. Fuck that fool. I beat his deck once and I was gonna do it again. And then reality hit, he learned from his mistakes and fixed his deck up. First game I was hardly able to play any creatures without him killing them. Yeah I was able to hit him a couple times, but it just wasnt enough. I am proud to say that in the second game I raped his shit up, got him down to -16 and he couldnt get me past 15. He wasn't having any trouble either so there's no excuse there. However I wasn't so lucky in game 3. I had to mull and even then it wasn't good enough. Got stuck with a mountan, warzone, and a couple of 1drops with cheiftain. I figured I was good and would draw another land. Which I didn't. Kept strugging, kept trading my warzone, in the end he was at 4, I was at 5, and then he swung for game. Douche. I don't think he likes me either. Before the game he listed gamewinning "gay shit" and told me not to do them and not to give him gay cuts. When I mulled and I asked him if he wants to cut me, he said,"Yeah with a knife." Fuck that nigga.
Round 4 was a sad round, just because it was against somebody Im cool with, Trent. A tall, white guy who is tall and tall. This nigga tall. A deck like his is built for a deck like mine. 6 board wipes. Its horrible. Just horrible. I couldnt have creatures on the feild for too long before Id have to rebuild my army again. All in all I did good though, managed to get him down to 5, but then he played Inferno Titan, killed off my creatures, and I was sitting at 14. I had one turn to live, and Ive could have survived it if I hadn't made the mistake of passing turn. With his Inferno, he could kill me in one hit. But if I had played Cheiftain, and Summons for 2x 4/4s, then the win coulda been mine. Since he'd kill my Cheiftain, and I wouldnt have blocked, Id be at 1 life. Then my 4/4s would have gotten me the win. Shoulda woulda coulda. But I didn't. After sideboard it was a lot harder to keep my creatures on the field. I got him down to 7 this time, and then he dropped another Inferno. I was only at 18 thanks to my fetchlands, I thought I could pull through, topdeck creature after creature and somehow haste my way to win. Seeing me struggle, Trent decided to make it easy for me. He showed me his hand, with more Infernos and Wurmcoils. All I could do was laugh as I scooped and said "Good game." Which I rarely do scoop. I like to play it out. But when you're staring at Wurmcoil... All you can do is "Fuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!"
That day I got 8th place out of 18-19 people. Yay, the better half of 50%. Somebody else asked what he gets for being in the top 50% a couple weeks ago, I still laugh about it to this day. "Hey Fred I got 6th what do I get?" "YOU GET DICK!"
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