Time to fuck shit up.

Alright. Another week, another ass beating. I love this no censorship bullshit. Fuck yeaaahh. Anyways, I'm running my deck as usual. And Stephanie is running a new deck I built for her. Which will be in the next post.
So for my first round, guess who I play against. Stephanie, a FattyFatFatMcFattingtonFatFuckFatsoFatFat, I'm playing against a deck I built to stop decks like mine. And in the first game it did just that. I dropped my Guide and swung in, passed. And then I see it, Perimeter Captain, Im fucked. Drop another Guide, swing both, she blocks, gains 2, loses 2, fork bolted Captian, passed. Another Captain. She wasnt fuckin around. I forgot what happened after that cause it was BS after BS. Pyros and Lifegain then the Planewalkers came out the play and I was just stuck. There was nothing I could do to stop it once it started. Game 2 was better for me. No Pyros, no Captains. She just didnt get to draw any answers, and I was able to get in there and kill her before anything could stop me. Game 3, it was the first game all over again. I couldn't get in there in time to put her down. Loss 1-2 Me.
My second round was up against Trent, and I gotta say, once again I was pissed. I remember this deck. This deck specializes in killing me. So in the first game it went as usual, I lost the roll, got the draw, did my set up when it was my turn, then got pyro'd when I passed. Now Im sitting here with a summons in hand and a few lands. Great, already topdecking. Fortunately he was still setting up his combo so I had time to get in there. By turn 4 I had a memnite and drew into a bushwhacker, so I was ready to combo. Summons to 2x 4/4s, a memnite and a bushkicked, and I swung in all. His perilous myr blocked my bushwhacker, he took 12, and the myr killed my memnite. Next turn he stole my elemental, gave it a +1/+1 counter, swung at me and sac'd it to his artifact draw thing. My turn, swung for 4 and passed. My turn again I swung for game. Game 2 was the same opening. He drops land, I start with 3-4 creatures on the field, then he pyros. Never fails. My turn to drop Wardriver and pass. Hes setting up his field. Drop cheiftain, swing 6 and pass. His turn, slagstorm, ouch, really now. I drop another wardriver, he hasn't killed it yet. My turn again, drop cheiftain and swing 6 again, he boardwipes again. Topdecked a guide and swing for 2, got him to 6, and showed him the double bolt. Sorry Trent, I don't believe friends should be playing each other when's there's money involved.
3rd round and it's against Leo, that short asian foo that's short. Not nervous at all. While he's shuffling I see baby Jace and ask him, "no kuldotha?" he says, "nah I wanna play a deck thats good." I took offense to that. Just because the average mexican can afford kuldotha does not make it a bad deck. Go fuck yourself and your couch. Anyways, I open my turn with 3 cute little goblins ready to fuck his shit up sideways. Pass to him and he inquistitions me, taking my cheiftain away. I'm alright with that, I have a wardriver in hand with a 2nd land, that was my 2nd turn anyways, swung 3 and passed. I forgot what his puny 2nd turn was but I don't give a damn. Turn 3 wardriver and co fucked shit up for 8, and passed. Fuck his turn 3, my turn 4 was a topdecked bushwhacker and they fucked shit up son. Game 2, I see ratchet bombs sided in, shits getting real son. This game was a little slower than last. Guide had to do most of the work. Hitting him for 2, then 2 again, until finally he gets another guide to help him, and swing for 4. Then good ol' Cheiftain hit the field. How did I get to this point without trouble yet? It's like turn 4, all hes done is played inquisition, wheres his wipes? His counters? Is his deck scared? Take that you fuckin sorry expensive deck. Even a beaner can fuck yo shit up sideways. (in reality I understand he's probably just getting bad draws, but this nigga is offended and this nigga will fuck shit up. He has dissed kuldotha and red itself. I will not stand for this shit!) So after cheiftain and guide hit for 8, its my turn again and I drop a wardriver and shit gets all sorts of fucked up hella hardcore son. Yeah. Go Goblins. Hooray for fucking shit up.
Alright, so my last round. Surprised to find out I was paired down. I don't even want to report this. It's really sad. I thought I was gonna win this. I'm up against Justin, a mexican looking thing with a hoodie and glasses. He looks like a kid too, what went wrong? It's a tempered steel deck. Turn 4 he should be dead. Anyways, for the first game I was fuckin amazing. 3 goblins turn 1, turn 2 warzone and swing 6. Turn 3 bushwhacker and swing 8. Then he gets his steel out and he finally has decent blockers. Swing all and I get him to 3, we trade a few, next turn swing again, got him to 1, we trade some more, next turn after that I finally killed him. Game 2, I dont know what he sided in, but it worked for him. I barely got in there. Hitting him little by little. Until I finally got him to 3. All I needed was that bolt. Where was that bolt. Oh god why can't I summon bolt from the deck.Tides have turned, I was out of goblins, his ornithopthers and shit were swinging in, from 20 to 16 to 12 to 6 to dead. Why have you forsaken me bolt. Whyyyyy!? Game 3 it was on. I managed to get a couple of big hits in and got him to 7. But double steel really ruins plans. With Tommy and Trent standing there, judging, watching, encouraging, I can feel the heat on me. All my goblins are dead. There is no hope. I'm sorry guys. I've let you down. Goblins can't fuck up steel that's been tempered. Noooooo.... 20 to 16 to 11 to dead.