Staying on top

There's hardly any joy in this anymore. The day before I always feel like a fighter exhausted sitting in the locker room head down and shoulders slumped waiting for the next round. Trying to place week after week gets tiring. I used to be rank 250 something in San Diego. Now I'm 109. And still going up. Getting there. But those damn firewalkers. So damn annoying. I can usually beat them when the deck behind them is not control. Boros and Quest I can beat, even when they have firewalker, it's just harder. Just wanna run something rogue so that they become dead cards. But I can't bring myself to do so. Playing rogue decks you get used to losing, doesn't mean you like it, but you're ok with it. Once you win, it's addictive. You want to win again next week. And if you keep winning then it becomes an expectation. You can't go back to being a loser. If you're looked at as an easy win, then it'll be hard to get out of that. But its fuckin hilarious when they sit there mad as shit that they lost to you. Victory is suppose to feel liberating but I just feel trapped. There's just no confidence there anymore. There never was. The higher and higher you go the less mistakes you're allowed to make. You can't fuck around anymore. Especially when you're paired with somebody new. Cause that'll really hurt your rating, which you now care for. The higher you go, the more the drop hurts on the way down. And then you build a rogue deck and have someone else play it. The deck seems playable, but when applied the topdecks just don't flow, so you spend all the effort trying to make it better. And then you ask yourself, are you living through this person playing the rogue deck? Since you're unable to experiment anymore. Is the grass on the other side sweeter because she's able to play decks carefree and not give a fuck in the end?  I miss those days.

Game Day

Yup. It's that time again. Time for me to lie to you about how it was me against the store and all my trusty little goblins raged through dozens of enemies like wurmcoil, Gideon, walls, titans, vampires, elves, and the elusive baneslayer. How we bathed in their blood and came out on top winning first place and taking home the gold. Aahhhhh yeaaaah. But sadly no. I'm here to report my games on Game Day at Crazy Freds.
For the first round I got paired up with David, a thick asian guy who always jokes that losing to me is the worst this ever. Which is what happened the first game, opening rebirth followed by guide then wardriver with a bushwhacker kicked really does end the game quickly. I didn't give him the chance to pop his quest. Game 2 I kept a weird hand cause I thought it would pay off. Which it did, I managed to crush his argentum, but I was hardly playing any creatures, and his firewalker and cat that exiled my pest kept swinging in. Death was imminent. I managed to mass for 4, and it killed the firewalker where I was able to play wardriver and bushwhacker and swing in for 10 putting him at 7, but I was at 3 and I died. Game 3 was cute and fun. Pest and thopter swung in for 1, then there was a guide, then wardriver, which got murdered. Then there was another wardriver and a bushwhacker and I had him so close to death that he just sat there wondering if there was a way to block so that he could still win. It was my turn again and I had enough power to kill him, but to add insult to injury I topdecked a bushwhacker and did more damage than was necessary. 2-1
Round 2 and it's up against Patrick, I think, and his rogue vampire deck. His turn 2 blood seeker really did some damage to me. But I wasn't gonna be the one to remind him, since it was a may effect. In total the seeker did 7 damage to me, including the 3 tokens. But I was able to get in there for more than the number I was playing, dealing 8-10 damage a time. Barely even saw his deck. Game 2 I managed to play memnite and rebirthed thopter, before he got blood seeker out. After an opening like that this was already game over since I knew he had no board wipes. After swinging 4 I dropped wardriver and swung for 10 next turn, but a token got blocked and he took 8. Then he swung all in on me getting me to 12, and left a guy to block. I wasn't having that, arc trail the guy and swing in for 12. There will be no prisoners here. 2-0.
Round 3 and undefeated. Such a great feeling. And then I hear it, "Perez vs Kellogg." On fuckin Game Day too. Alright, I know the rules here, get him by turn 4 or not at all. So I did my best, guide, wardriver, rebirth, bushwhacker, and then I got him to 1. To 1! Then he day'd. I was already in topdeck mode, trying to draw an answer, even just a little burn, but I was doomed. Next came Gideon, and elspeth soon followed. I had him to 1 and he made a comeback. Game 2. I barely put a dent in him. With the condemns and firewalkers I couldn't do shit. I wasn't controlled from turn 4, I was controlled since turn 1. He already had the upper hand, and then he dropped the wurmcoil. Well fuck that shit, I'm gonna commence scoop phase right now. 0-2 and I was certain this was gonna fall out of placing. At least none of my earlier opponents pussied out and dropped.
4th and final round. Can't fuck around here. I'm gonna get in there and fuck shit up hardcore status. So I think his name his Brian and guess what kind of deck he's running, the fuckin infect and defile box that you can just buy over the counter and play. And then he bought a few other cards and added those. Which just goes to show that those boxes have ruined the fuckin game for people who spent months of hard-work, sweat, blood and tears into making this deck the way it is, and then just to have it bought over the counters. This guy went 2-1 so far with this deck. Then he faced a real version and it put him to 2-2. I do not approve of this shit. I don't even feel like reporting this game. Both games were over in 4 turns, even with his smothers. Surprised him both games with my explosive opening play and all the creatures I had. Ok I'm done now. 2-0. Can I have my black sun now?
So I ended the day with a 3-1, a total of 6 wins and 3 losses. 66.66% win percentage. Not bad. Not bad. In the end I got 3rd place. Comic odd crew really raped shit today. Tommy got 1st, Lahrell with the 2nd and David right behind me with the 4th. Should've realized earlier that there was a problem with the prize money though, since there was none. Nobody was allowed to use their store credit so Fred pocketed $100 that day. 

Rant about event boxes

Alright so what the Fuck is this bullshit? Who said Wizards could do this? I don't approve of this fuckin shit. This is about as retarded as a 15/15 uncounterable extra turn shuffle your librarygraveyard annihilate 6 flying anti spell targeting bullshit all rolled up in a creature and given away at an event for free. I am talking about those damn wretched boxes that you can buy over the counter and enter the tournament at the same time. "Into the breach" and "Infect and defile" are the damn fuckin boxes I'm talking about. And that actually happened on Game Day! This white guy hasn't played magic since big Jace was $40 and he comes back during this event, has no deck, buys the ub box and enters. He was 2-1 when he met me and he thought he could be 3-1 but then I curbstomped him to 2-2 giving him an 0-2 for our round. The guy was actually cool, it's just what he did that really pissed me off. I know these boxes aren't meant to be great but they're playable. Now any noob walking in with their parents wallet can buy this shit. This is a fuckin disgrace to those of us who actually spent time making these decks what they are. Every box shipped is Wizards spitting in our face. Every box bought is a hinderance of the authentic. I don't see any boxes out there for fuckin UW control. A nice little package with firewalkers, days, baby jace, dual lands, and various counters. No! Because there isn't! I don't see a fuckin Valakut box! Shit that has fuckin god damn Valakut, fuckin battlements, khalni hearts, green zenith, god damn motherfuckin pryos. You get what the fuck I'm saying. Why not have a fuckin noob try to play one of those motherfuckin god damn shit bitch untwhotefuckgoddammit decks. I remember when I built this f kin deck before it was even kuldotha. When I made that mother kin god damn raid bombardment deck. With all those sonbitch commons and uncommons. The only rare was thefuckin goblin guide. It required playing a shit load of goblins and then dropping chandras spitfire and having all the goblins attack activating raid bombardment dealing multiple 1 damage and +3/0 on spitfire a shit ton of times. Then the deck dropped spitfire cause it was always getting killed in some way or another and cheiftain replaced her, making it a full goblin deck. I'm sorry spitfire, we had our fun but I can't stand to see you die anymore. Then the fuckin rotation happened and the only card I lost was dragon fodder, and the expected me to replace it with rebirth. At first I didn't want to add artifacts just so I can use a card though. But I did anyways, and it was ok. It didn't do great, back then all I had to rely on was chieftain and bushwhacker for the pump. Turn out 8 wasn't enough. It needed 16, wardriver and pest. Now that the deck has 16 creatures pumping each other the deck can constantly drop threat after threat. Since M11, since motherfuckin M11 when the raid bombardment deck was built I've been tweaking this deck into what it is today. Nobody else had that raid deck. I'd always get called judge on just so they check the legality of it. Nobody liked having a 13/3 flying over and punching them in the fuckin face stupid dipshit ass motherfuckers after already taking 4 noncombatant damage and having other little guys to block. None of these other noobs wont understand this shit. They won't have a story like this. It'll just be "I bought this deck over the counter and fixed it so it's just like that list I saw online. I'm a stupid cunt bitch who decided to take the easy way out and steal a deck that's already winning and dick ride on it's success." and I'm not mad about the other premium decks. Those decks can only be used in legacy or edh, and the from the vault decks too. This is a deck specifically built for standard copying decks from standard. The most played format across the nation. Kuldotha red was already cheap as it is! Fuck your mox opal! I don't need that fuckinshitcuntbitchwhoreslutfriskycatdog!!!!! Just a waste of a fuckin drop if have your artifacts dead and no more metalcraft. I killed that sonbitch! Raped that motherfucker and took the 2-0! I didn't ask for it I just took it! And imma rape that shit again! I will! Yes I fuckin god damn will god mother fuck dammit will! Rape that shit motherfuckin sideways. Fuuucckk!!! :RAGE MODE: *FLIPS DESK*

Naya superfriends

Alrigt so as I promised you here's Stephanies naya colored superfriends deck. But as she calls it K+Gbffs-w/Kitty. Here's the list and what is does.
3x koth of the hammer
3x garruk wildspeaker
3x ajani goldmane

4x perimeter captain
3x wall of tanglecord
2x overgrown battlement

4x explore
4x journey to nowhere
2x contagion clasp
1x contagion engine
2x elixir of immortality
2x day of judgment
3x red sun zenith

2x forest
5x mountain
5x plains
4x sunpetal grove
2x rootbound crag
2x raging ravine
4x arid mesa

Sb:
1x steel hellkite
2x day of judgment
4x pyroclasm
3x celestial purge
3x naturalize
2x creeping corrosion
So the deck pretty much stalls until you run out of gas. Ideally perimeter captain gets there first to stop any hasty attackers in the beginning. Multiple captains + chump blocking is really annoying and I apologize, but suck it up. After good number of blocks and lifegain and more walls hit the field, it's time to play planeswalkers. Or if you have too many creatures for the deck to handle, day then walkers. Journey to great rid of fuckers like highborn and wurmcoil. Clasp for clasping needs, just like engine, and proliferating needs on the walkers, ajanis +1+1 counters, and ravine. Explore is card draw and land drop, elixer is lifegain and shuffling threats back into the deck. Finally the red zenith is there for when journey isn't, and for that last strong hit to the face. Koth and garruk gives the creatures and untap lands, ajani pumps all the creatures and vigilance is nice too. Plus the lifegain just to fuck over most decks. This deck isn't in a hurry. It takes time to kick your ass. Don't rush it. It's ok. 
Yes I know the steel hellkite doesn't belong but he just sits there and looks pretty. Don't hate. The pyroclasms and for when they're trying to rush the deck and you can't wait for the judgment. The extra judgments are for when the pyros just won't cut it. Purge of course is for those big black and red threats.  Naturalize is for artifact and enchantment hate, but I have spreading seas mostly in mind. And the corrosion is because I'm not too happy with the tempered steel decks that be thinking they the shit lately. 
I would also like to say that I'm not looking for help or tips with the deck. I don't want to hear about koth taking up space or how all this deck does is not let you win. This is a deck I built for Stephanie and I don't give a fuck what you have to say. Good night.